Author Thomas Erikson has a specific way of looking at the people around him. He’s developed a system for classifying people using the DISC system. He divides people into four main groups: Dominance (Red), Influence (Yellow), Stability (Green), and Compliance (Blue). Using the color designations as a shortcut, he can speak to the qualities, strengths, and weaknesses of each personality type using the colors as a shortcut.
And if those four DISC qualities sound like an oversimplification of the complex human experience, Erikson understands that very few people are only in one category. He recognizes that most of us are a combination of colors and experience a more layered life than these descriptions offer. But the way he uses these colors to describe how people react, or how narcissists can use someone’s weaknesses against them, hit home for me so hard when he described exactly how a former boss forced me out of my job, and in a way I hadn’t been able to put into words myself. With this simple system is a lot of understanding of human behavior.
For his latest book, Erikson takes his system and applies it to narcissists. I think most everyone has encountered one, whether it be a boss (or former boss), a classmate, a coworker, a family member, or just someone you recognize in the public eye. Erikson uses his DISC system to show readers how narcissists read people and can figure out the most effective way to control them.
But most of this book is simply a deep dive into what a narcissist is and how to recognize them. And more important, he gives people very strategic ideas for getting away from a narcissistic relationship. Erikson talks about our culture and how it contributes to the growing number of narcissists we have, and he talks about about how much of personality comes from our environment as opposed to what we’re born with. And while all that is important and interesting, it’s not the best part.
The best part of Surrounded by Narcissists is how well Erikson understands how destructive manipulators can be and how much time he spends helping readers get out of those toxic relationships—or to avoid them altogether. There is so much smart advice about what to say and not to say, what to do and not to do, that those struggling with someone in their life that they think may be a narcissist can find understanding and relief in these pages.
I really liked Surrounded by Narcissists. I have read some of Erikson’s work in the past, and I am a fan of his DISC system. It has helped me understand my own behaviors as well as the people around me, and I think that’s made me a more thoughtful person. And as someone who has felt vulnerable to manipulative people in the past, I loved how specific Erikson was in giving advice in dealing with narcissists. I think this is a fantastic book for anyone who needs to find a way out of a bad relationship, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a work thing. He gets it, he has thought long and hard about what to do about it, and he’s sharing all he knows with us. I hate calling books a must-read, but Surrounded by Narcissists just may be a must-read in today’s culture.
Egalleys for Surrounded by Narcissists were provided by St. Martin’s Press Essentials through NetGalley, with many thanks.
