Have you ever had one of those conversations where the person you’re talking to keeps interrupting you? Or correcting you? Or they just hijack that conversation to start their own story? Of course you have. We all have. Maybe I should have asked if you’ve had that conversation today, because it happens so frequently. Listening is an art, maybe a lost art, but author Kate Murphy is here to teach us how to be the listener that our friends and family need.
She talks to the experts—from the CIA agent to the top radio interviewer to the greatest focus group moderator and so many more. Psychologists, researchers, neuroscientists, politicians, college professors, and doctors all weigh in on why it’s so difficult for us to focus, to set aside the voices in our heads, to stop planning what we want to say next, and to just be in the moment, in the conversation, giving all your attention to one other person. Because it is difficult. Listening is a choice. It is an action. It is a gift.
As all the technology we use every day sucks up our time and attention, the choice to stop looking at our phones or scrolling on our laptops is a gift we give to those we love. And the intimacy we are rewarded with is the best part of being human. That is the basis for You’re Not Listening, a book filled with all the things that keep us from being good listeners and how we can turn that around.
We only have so much energy. We can’t listen to everyone else, all the time. But when we make choices to listen to certain people in our lives—our families, our friends, our boss and coworkers—that reinforces those relationships, making them stronger and closer. Listening gives us the chance to collect important information. It opens up opportunities. It brings us awareness of issues we’d not known about. It reawakens our souls.
Perhaps the best thing about You’re Not LIstening (aside from the insider stories about people like Oliver Sacks, Richard Feynman, Terry Gross, and the Second City improv program) is just the gentle but persistent reminder of how important listening is and how difficult it can be. Keeping that in mind as I read this book, my understanding of the power of listening deepening with each chapter, means that I can move through the world as a better employee, a better friend, a better person. I have the power to improve my life and my relationships (maybe, in a way, the same thing), and while it may not be easy to be a better listener, I know that it will be worth it. I am so grateful this book has come into my life.!
Galleys for You’re Not Listening were provided by Celadon Books through NetGalley, with many thanks.
