the key to social success
As humans, we can usually tell pretty quickly when we’re going to get along with someone else. Likewise, we can tell when the vibe is completely off and want to walk away. Journalist Kate Murphy took a deep dive into this phenomenon, interpersonal synchrony, and how it effects our lives.
Basically, interpersonal synchrony is the ability to connect with someone else. Research has shown that it’s not just mental. If we sync with someone, then it means that we will match heart rate, blood pressure, pupil dilation, even hormones. It’s a far more complicated connection that we had previously thought, and that means that we can use it to improve our connections and find deeper meaning in our relationships.
Tech companies hire individuals with doctorates in psychology to help us feel more connected to and through our social media accounts. Attorneys use psychodrama (a dramatic retelling of the incident that caused someone to hire an attorney) to connect with their clients, and they absolutely use their interpersonal skills to know if the jury is with them or not. Animal trainers use synchrony to connect with animals, like The Horse Whisperer, who teaches people how to connect with their animals instead of trying to control them.
From a psychiatrist trying to connect with someone suffering from a painful mental illness to fighter pilots learning to become one with their jet, understanding interpersonal synchrony can help you become a better person, a better partner, and a kinder soul. This is what causes chains of people to pay it forward in drive-thru lanes, paying for the order of the person behind them, causing the next person to want to the same and so on. This is why everyone tries to avoid the downer in the office and why the right emotional balance in a restaurant makes the experience feel like magic.
Why We Click looks into all of this and more. With interviews from a wide variety people who have researched some version of interpersonal synchrony, real-life stories, down-to-earth writing, and smart takeaways, Murphy offers up explanations on why some people draw us to them and others push us away as well as advice on how to become more or less synchronous, depending on what the situation needs.
I listened to Why We Click on audio, read by the author. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of listening to this book. It’s smart and entertaining, and since Murphy herself reads it, she doesn’t have to interpret any of the writing. She can just read it with her natural passion for the subject and the warmth that comes from understanding human connectivity.
I have a master’s degree in psychology, so this is a subject I’m naturally drawn to. But I think this is a book that could help anyone better understand their relationships. Reading it reminded me of the first time I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink, how that gave me insight into being a more successful human and how I wanted to tell everyone I knew to read the book. This is a book that could change your relationships, change your understanding of how you move through the world, and while it won’t solve all your problems, even your relationship problems, it might help you adjust your understanding enough to create some deeper connections.
Galleys for Why We Click were provided by Celadon Books, and a copy of the audio book was provided by Macmillan Audio through NetGalley, with many thanks, but the opinions are mine.
